Some sad, some happy

Yesterday, was the 5 year mark since my father passed away. I was ok with it for awhile and then I went to the cemetery. It all becomes sort of surreal (is that the word) when you are there. Memories and thoughts came crashing down on you and the emotions are all over the place. I like to go there by myself so I can let it all out with no distractions. It took a few minutes to get myself together, but after that I was fine. There is a point when you need to move on and look forward. I am trying really hard to focus on the good things and not dwell on the horrific parts of the ordeal. If I didn't make an attempt at this, then I would make myself crazy. We did end the day nicely with a family dinner. No complaints about Wright's from me.

I also stayed awake for an entire baseball game!!! I have been falling asleep around the third inning, then wake up on and off until the 9th. Last night, I was determined. It was such a good game and I am so happy that I did not miss the World Series win. I would have been so mad. It would have been worse if I had stayed awake for the whole game and they lost. Then, I would have had to do it all over again tonight. Thank you Kielty for that homerun. I am pretty tired today because of it, but well worth it.

Baby news....this baby is a mover and a shaker. I don't know what in the world "Ralphie" is doing, but it is weird to feel it. I bought some new clothes to get me through a few more days of this cold weather, which I welcome since the humidity was disgusting. I am going to buy some pajama pants tonight since I am busting out of the seams on all of mine. Very interesting since I am gaining no weight, but clothes fit less. That's fine. The fun thing about maternity clothes is I don't have to try anything on. I am a medium and if it is a little big now, I will grow into it soon enough.

Well, I am hungry so I am off to get some cereal. Yum, cereal.....

OMG, I'm pregnant!

I have these random moments when I realize I am pregnant. It is not because I am nauseous or tired. It is not because I have gained 6 or 7 pounds. It is just because. I was driving yesterday and realized I am pregnant. I cried for a large chunk of the ride home while screaming obscenities at the idiots who have no clue how to drive on 95/128. So not only am I thinking, "holy crap this is my life now." I am also thinking, "my child's first word is going to be f*cktard." For three weeks, I tried to control my potty mouth, but I had to let it out yesterday.

Anyway, life is going to be so different in the spring. I am not going to be that parent who stops going out or having a good time because I have a child. However, there may be early nights. There may be early mornings. There will be crying, midnight feedings, more worrying. I know what I got myself into. I understand the life change that I have chosen.

Does Chris understand? He is so quiet about life. He goes through his days calmly. He has his moments of stress, but he lets it pass by. He rarely gets upset or angry. You'll know if he is. We planned this and he keeps telling me that. He knows everything will work out. For some reason he has some kind of sixth sense about things. Deep down I know that we will be a happy family, but these hormonal flashes of reality are rough. : )

Update

After a very busy and fun weekend, I had a doctor's appointment on Monday. I was so ill all morning. It probably has something to do with eating late and sleeping so much on Sunday. Anyway, it all worked out fine.

My doctor seemed pleased that I was doing very well. The heartbeat was strong and Ralphie was active. I could hear him/her moving around on the doppler. I guess that explains all the twinges and spasms I keep having. I have gained NOTHING since my last appointment 4 weeks ago, which completely amazes me. I am not sure what more I could possibly eat. The doctor is showing no concern about it. I guess if I gained too much or lost weight then she would worry, but instead said I am very healthy and doing well. I'll take it. I was also able to make our appointment for our big ultrasound, but I will keep that date secret. : )

Hmm...any other news? I don't think I have much to say on the baby side of things. I do have an off topic subject. I am so flippin' excited that I was able to pull off a good costume this weekend. I have no idea how we finished it, but I am psyched. I am so happy that people liked it. Yay trophy! My mom was so proud. lol

Time is not on my side

Why do I get so bored with things? I just want to clean my house and put clothes in storage. That is not supposed to be a difficult task. Instead, I start with dishes then leave the dishwasher open and walk away to fold laundry, then I go to make dinner. Focus!!! It is nice that I am starting projects so the house has improved. I just need to finish.

I also have my Halloween costume to make. I found most of the pieces, but now I have to put it all together and make sure I can easily access the bathroom. So much to do, so little time.

Really?

For those of you that know me well, you know that I have never been accused of speaking quietly. I think I came out of the womb loud. I have no problem with it. I know I am loud. I try to control it at some points, but for the most part I really don't care what people hear.

Now, given this fact...why don't people hear me??? Is it some kind of joke? How far will Amy go before she explodes? Honestly, don't ask if you don't want the answer. If you don't care then don't waste my time. I would much rather save my breath for more important things.

Hmm....

Mondays suck! I am so tired that I actually cried in the car on my way to work. I did not fall asleep until midnight. My head was pounding so hard that I had to take a tylenol before bed. I hate when I have to do that. That was tylenol number 4 of this pregnancy. (Yes, I keep track.) I had horrible nightmares and I tried to deal with them on my own so Chris could stay sleeping.

The good thing about Monday though is my shows are on. The Red Sox are also playing tonight and hopefully they will keep Gagne in hiding. I fell asleep the other night when the score was tied 3-3. I didn't know the final ridiculous score until late Sunday morning. Insanity!!! Ok, I am done for now. My eyeballs are burning.

Eating right.

I am not the healthiest eater in the world, but I am also not a junk food only person either. I try really hard to eat what I am supposed to and add the prego calories the right way and not with a candy bar. It wasn't a huge deal in first tri, but now it is more important. I have to make a chart of what I eat. I need to add some fruits and veggies. Yuck!! I am fine in every other food group. I eat salad. That is kind of a step in the right direction. Do orange cupcakes count as a fruit?

Second Trimester

I made it! Let the weight gain begin and the exhaustion go away.

There is not much to report. I still sleep alot at the wrong times. I am still freaking out about everything and my darling hubby told me to "get a pair." Funny, huh? We have been doing a little bit of chatting about the birth process. We have to sign up for classes soon and need to figure out which ones to take. Maybe hypnotherapy birth is not such a bad idea after all. lol

I guess that is all for now....

Late again!

This seems to be my new trend...late to work. It is not done on purpose. I just can't get out of bed. If I go to bed when I am tired, then I sleep for a couple of hours and then I am up for 2 hours, sleep for a half hour, up for half hour, etc. If I go to bed early, then I sit there like a lump thinking about nonsense for 3 hours. There has to be some happy medium.
I do have a positive though. My nausea seems to be gone. That is wonderful. I am still not craving anything special, but that's fine. I am just glad that when I do eat something, I don't regret for hours after. : )
Overall, I have gained 4 pounds in 12+ weeks. I had gained five, but one seems to have disappeared. Second trimester now.....time to blow up like a whale and love it!!! I can't wait to go shopping for sweaters.

Pink Elephants

If someone said not to think about pink elephants, what would you do? Probably think about pink elephants, right? The same thing happens when a magazine article says "If you don't like hearing stories about labor, then stop reading this article." Um, no, too late. So, I read the article. I regret every word I read, but I can't wipe it from my memory now.

Choices, pain, nastiness. OMG!!! When I first found out I was pregnant, I was thinking about cute prego clothes and setting up the nursery. Now, months later, I am thinking epidural, agony, and the disgusting things that will be happening to my body in April. I am a person who will wait to pee if Chris is in the shower. I can't believe what he is going to see. It is quite disturbing.

You can tell me it is a miracle until you are blue in the face. I know it's a freakin' miracle! How else could a human weighing an estimated 7 pounds come out of a girl? I am just worried because I have never had surgery before. I have never broken a bone. I cry when I go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Is it normal to freak out now?

I will do whatever it takes, besides shoving an epidural into my back, to have this wonderful baby. I am so happy right now, but I am also petrified. Let's hope that the next few months calm me down.